We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others. ~ Brene Brown
I’ve written before about the horrible, awful, no good, very bad trend of shaming children publicly (it shouldn’t be done privately, either) and the consequences. I came across this excellent post yesterday, and think it should be mandatory reading for parents. The excruciating emotional pain that comes from being shamed is crippling and difficult to heal because on every level that matters, it is a betrayal by those whose job/role/responsibility is to love, nurture, encourage, and support.
Shaming strikes at the core of who we are; it’s a judgment or condemnation of the fragile self who already struggles with an inherent sense of being flawed. To have childish behaviours and mistakes exposed to ridicule, criticism, laughter, or public discussion is soul-destroying. In fact, it’s soul-destroying to everyone. How much more so to a child a) who doesn’t understand the actions but feels emotionally violated, and b) who will, at some point in maturing comprehend that the record of this mistake/behaviour is public and permanent?
It is my personal and professional opinion that published posts shaming children should be treated as psychological and emotional abuse …because that’s what it is.
Among the problems with shame was that it, in fact, did not make you shorter or quieter or less visible. You just felt like you were. ~J.R. Ward